CLerks X-Mas
by Jay
Summary: The name says it all really.


Remember, this was written before X-mas, some of the events mentioned are from Clerks: The Holiday Special, haven't' read   
it? Buy it! http://www.viewaskew.com/jsbstash and you can get other quality View Askew products! (God if only I was getting   
paid for this shit)   
  
  
CHAPTER 1  
It was a snowy Christmas Eve, Jay and Silent Bob stood in their normal spot outside RST. Inside Dante worked in Quick   
Stop. Randal, who had been off for an hour waited for Dante to get off at 11.  
  
The Christmas rush, as expected, rocked. Jay and Silent Bob were making more money than ever, all the pathetic assholes   
who had no one for X-mas diced that smokin' a bowl was better than being alone.   
  
And Jay had no problem with 'poising the youth' a that asshole Dante had put it. Well fuck him. This was better than last year   
when they had to work for that fat fuck with the weird thing for midgets.  
  
Silent Bob hit him get his attention and pointed to the clock across the street. It was almost 10:30 and that tubby bitch   
wanted to go home. Fuck that. "Fuck that, the late night is the best time we're here all night." Silent Bob gave him the sad   
puppy look. "Ok, you fuckin' softy, ok we'll go home in 20 minutes....promise." He smiled to himself as the snow steadily   
picked up.   
  
  
"DON-TAAAY!!!" Randal pleaded "Let's just go home! It's 9;56 on Christmas Eve! Who's gonna come in now?" As is on   
cue Jay and Silent Bob walked in. They were literally covered in snow. "Pack...of...raps." Jay stammered before collapsing on   
the floor, followed soon by Silent Bob.  
  
***   
CHAPTER 2   
After they were thawed out, they (agents Dante's wishes) smoked a phatty and were ok. Until they saw outside.   
  
Outside. It was snowing like a son of a bitch. The snow was at least waist high and rising fast.   
  
"Oh shit!"   
"Wow, that's a looot of snow."   
"This reminds me of that one time when me and Silent Bob were trapped in this freezer..."  
  
FLASHBACK 1  
  
Dante and Randal stand in the freezer, all of a sudden Jay and Silent Bob jump down next to them. "Snooch to the Nooch!"   
  
END OF FLASHBACK  
  
"That was last week!" Dante said "And we aren't stuck." Dante went to to open the door and is greeted quickly be TONS of   
snow rushing through, knocking him back. "Wow, now that's a lot of snow."   
  
Just then someone from behind them said "Astute observation Randal."   
They all turned (Jay and Silent Bob; with fists raised) to see Vincent, the mop boy. "What the hell are you doing here?" Dante   
asked. "Yeah aren't you off today?" "Well after Dante's absence last year, and Randal's utter lack of responsibility, I assumed I   
would no-doubt have to watch after one on your posts again this year, and maybe get to carry out my wrath and assume my   
post as the CLERK at R.S.T. Video."   
  
"You sooo need to get laid." Randal said.   
  
"Well We're stuck here. So we're all gonna have to get along we don't know how long we're gonna be here." said Dante.   
  
"Dude, this is like that movie, when that guy was like eatin' sheep or something."   
  
"Silence of the lambs?" RAndal offered   
  
"YEAH and that guys was like..." He cleared his throat and delivered a dead on impression of Hannibal Lector, "mmHello   
Clarissa"   
  
"It was Clairese."  
  
"Fuck you, like I saw the fucking movie."  
  
"Wait, wait wait, how is this like that?" Dante asked.  
  
"Well we got that crazy fuck" he pointed to Vincent who scowled "And we'll probably gonna have to eat each other to stay   
alive."  
  
"This is a store there is food all over!"   
  
"Not with the tubby bitch," he pointed to Silent Bob "he'll munch it all up in two seconds flat!"   
  
"I wish we at least had contact with the outside world." said Randal, setting down next to the TV  
"Yeah, my mom will be so fucking worried. Fuck. Fuck, FUCK FUCK!." Dante, said going over by the phone.   
  
"Do you ALWAYS, have to do that? I mean some phrases get old faster than Walt Flanagen's dog!"   
  
"Wait!" said Jay suddenly I got an idea. He whispered something to Silent Bob, who then began pulling to things from his coat...  
  
A porno mag, a comic, a pack of beer, a set of blueprints, some goggles, and finally a blowtorch.   
  
"And who didn't you idiots think of this before?"  
  
"Pot messes with your mind, man." He took a drag for his joint.   
  
Silent Bob was already working on the snow outside, witch was quickly melting away. Soon they were up to their ankles is in   
cold water. They all began to exit. Vincent remained inside, Randal's had popped through the open door. "Oh mop boy clean   
with mess up, thanks." With that he got in is car.   
  
Dante was giving Jay and Silent Bob a ride home on the surprisingly clear roads, the snow had subsided a bit.   
  
After they had dropped them off Dante had them turned to take Randal home, "Wow what a day." "Yeah, and they way it all   
ended it's as if someone just lost interest and gave us a quick ending-  
  
THE END  
  
Hope you liked it. Marry X-mas, Happy Chanakka, Krazy Kwanza, and Respectful Romadad  
  
  
  



End file.
